Sapphire Sting vs. the Pestinator

When a new threat arises, a hero must emerge to combat it. After several years of quiet retirement, I, Sapphire Sting, have returned to active duty to combat the menace of the Pestinator.

It started small, as many such things do. A few ants here, a few there, never a conspicuous quantity. Little did the citizens of this tiny town suspect that these were but the advance scouts of an invasion force. The Pestinator had genetically engineered these ants for increased fecundity and resistance to most known toxins. They also bore a custom-built pheromone designed to drive humans mad. The Pestinator had nothing less in mind than total domination.

As the swarm hit, fumigators tried to hold back the rising tide of black trespassers but to no avail. Heroes across the city were left stymied as their powers - flame, ice, and even my radiation failed to have a significant impact against their sheer numbers.

A solution had to be found, and quickly. The invasion was so wide-spread that, even if a defense were devised, distribution might take too long to be effective. I realized, as I began assembling ingredients in my lab, that the ants had invaded there as well! Since they were unfazed by the chemicals and potions I had assembled, I knew they would be useless and, for a moment, I despaired of finding an answer.

I fled my lab and returned to my home, hoping to least protect my wife from the insect interlopers and found her in heated combat with them in our kitchen, holding them back with every ounce of her flaming fury.

Suddenly, my cybernetically enhanced eyes spotted something unusual which proved to be the key to our salvation. While they swarmed over the counters and table, I realized that there were two places they were avoiding - the spice rack and the pantry! I knew there was accessible food in the pantry and wondered why none had invaded there. I realized that the answer was right there in my own kitchen, but I had to act quickly to close off their access points.

I took several of the most pungent spices from the rack and hastily dumped them together in a super-sized bowl, then seized the baking soda from the pantry and added it to the mixture. The ants began to distance themselves from the bowl, but not far; the combined scent still wasn't strong enough! Remembering my chemistry, I reached into the pantry again, grasping the bottle of vinegar and slopped it into the bowl, producing a chemical reaction which carried the scent of the concoction through the house with the vapors of carbon dioxide.

The ants began to flee in an expanding circle, their tiny olfactory organs overpowered by the spicy stench of my stew. Now, the dilemma was to close off their access points before they could develop a resistance and return. Looking again into the bowl, I realized that my powder had become a sticky paste, which could be applied to the crevices, cracks and crannies they crawled through. I flew through the house, slapping the sticky solution wherever the ants were coming through. The flood of ants soon became a trickle, then there were none at all.

I knew I couldn't fly through the city in time to patch every home before the ants took over, but I realized that since the miraculous mixture was made of common household supplies, it could be quickly mixed in large quantities by everyone! I hailed my allies and we spread the word by all possible means and eventually, the city was won. His evil scheme foiled, the Pestinator was quickly apprehended and will now be spending a long time in a cell with a faint scent of cinnamon.

In case your home is still infested, use this recipe to antagonize the ant assailants:

Combine roughly equal parts black pepper, chili powder and cinnamon (can go a little heavy on the cinnamon to give it a more pleasing scent for humans). Add a little vinegar - enough to make a decent liquid suspension - then thicken with baking soda until pasty/sticky, though make sure to add that baking soda very gradually so it doesn't bubble over and make a mess. Water can be used instead of vinegar for a less potent brew.

Dreams Come True Parade

As I struggle with Insomniaman again (Curse you!), I bring you (now with more irony) the "Celebrate a Dream Come True" parade. Since this is a WHOLE LOT of pictures, I'll intersperse it with my (hopefully) humorous and (possibly) insightful commentary . . . but it IS 6:00 AM, so don't expect too much.

The pre-parade. A pretty awesome marching band that came through about 15 minutes before the parade itself, presumably to clear the path for the upcoming floats. Good work, guys!

Ah, the man himself, leading the parade. You ready for your close-up?
I've gotta put my 2 cents in here. Having dancers in a parade? Nice. Having matching outfits? Also a nice thing. Having cloned haircuts (okay, they're really wigs, but still) done with laser precision, making your dancers look like freakish clones? SO not a good thing. Say hello to the mildly disturbing Pixiclon© army!
Man, check out this guy in purple . . . he's been in the sun WAY too long. The rest of them look to be suffering also . . . it's as though they're all being controlled by some evil Puppet Master . . .
Okay - Puppet Master yes. Evil . . . unless you count the whole Possessed Toy thing, probably not. Maybe their connection to the forces of evil will be revealed later on. Keep an eye on those guys, they're spooky.
No, Figaro, don't eat Chloe!!!

Often, the back ends of these floats have some of the most cool/fun stuff of the entire float. Between the gems, the princess and Dopey, this qualifies.
So, this float has a bunch of things that fly - Aladdin on his carpet, Genie, Dumbo, Mary Poppins, the Stork and . . . Winnie the Pooh? Well, I guess he's got a balloon . . . with which Bernard from The Rescuers seems quite intrigued. I hadn't even noticed that the rescuers were ON this float until I did this blog! Disney Magic - It's all about the details.
I had a dream about flying when I was a kid that involved Dumbo . . . and a bunch of care bears. I guess a kid's subconscious doesn't separate franchises.
Another wave of the Pixiclon© Army, ushering in . . . the forces of evil! I knew it!!!


Malificent may have gotten the high spot on this float and did most of the talking, but . . .
For me, Cruella made the show. The Villain float was parked in front of us for quite a while and Cruella was fantastically in character. Her vainness as she subtly altered the lyrics of the song from "Celebrate You" to "Celebrate ME!!!" and the look on her face as she dared anyone to celebrate anything or anyone else . . . PRICELESS! I hope the rumors going around the internet that they're planning to remove this float aren't true. I don't consider myself a big fan of Villains (what self respecting hero would?), but these guys deserve better.


Let's see . . . Peter Pan, Wendy, Alice, the Mad Hatter and . . . ummm . . . a bunch of globes/bubbles/Jareth's crystal balls, etc. with a castle inside. What's the theme of this float? Is this a Fantasy-land float? An Old Disney Cartoons with Non-Princess Female Protagonists in Blue Dresses float? There's no banner on the side to help you out with this one, either. What's your theory?Okay, zoom in really close on this one and tell me something . . . is that Mushu in the central globe? If so, what the heck is he doing with these guys? Mulan's not a "vintage" Disney Film, Mulan isn't a Fantasyland kind of girl, she doesn't wear a blue dress . . . Now I'm really confused.
Yet another Pixiclon© as the Happily Ever After float approaches. They've got someone on the inside!



You gotta love the stone-faced security guy walking by the prozac-powered parade.
Once again, it's all in the details, man



The After-parade: All the people who've been trying to get out of the park for half an hour but have been stuck following this parade around. You're almost there, kids! For more professional photos, a more in-depth analysis and more musings about the freaky dancers, go here.

And another thing . . .

Note: This is part two of a longer blog entry - the first half is here.

While we're on the subject, Senator Obama, Let's talk about your use of the word mistake. A mistake, when you boil it down, is something done in ignorance. If, for example, I write down a formula wrong on a math test and get the wrong answer, I made a mistake. The word "mistake" cannot be appropriately applied to pregnancy in our era - is it possible to grow up in America today without knowing that sex generally results in pregnancy? If I'm not too mistaken, it's that same leftist regime that's gotten that put into the school curriculum so strongly. And, of course, being a leftist invention, the main purpose of sex education is to teach kids ways to escape the consequences of having sex.

But I'm getting off topic. I believe, Senator, there is a word which far better applies to what Ms. Palin has done which fits quite well with your vocabulary. I believe the pro-abortion crowd is quite fond of it, in fact: she has made a choice. She and Levi chose to engage in sexual activity, knowing full well the consequences. Thus far, they appear to have chosen to accept the consequences of their choice. Your offer to pay for the murder their unborn child, in addition to being a slap in the face to her mother, is an offer to allow her to escape not only the consequences of her actions, but the price of it as well. I cannot, in good conscience, support anyone who believes that a government's duty - or that of its governing bodies - is to throw money to people so that they can escape the consequences of their choices. Who was it, in the great war in heaven, who offered a plan to escape all consequence which won the hearts of a third of the host of heaven? That's certainly not God's plan.

Since we're getting into details of vocabulary, let's discuss some more words which are applicable. A villain is defined as a "wicked or evil person." The definition of wicked simply states "Evil by nature and in practice." The applicable definition of evil states "Causing ruin, injury, or pain." Is not that an apt description of what would happen to Ms. Palin's unborn child if she took you up on your offer? The medically documented screams of the unborn as they die will tell you exactly the kind of ruin, injury and pain it causes. Congratulations, Senator - you've shown your true colors as a villain, and you have gained at least one enemy.

Joyous Return to Active Duty

There are times in life when one gets tired of doing the same thing day after day and wants a change of pace. When local officials asked for someone to help with a project they were working on "for a few days," I felt my opportunity had arrived to do just that. I happily volunteered and reported for duty. Little did I know that "a few days" was really 2 weeks.

There are times in life when one gets tired of having a change of pace and wants to get back to doing the same thing day after day. The project has been consuming my life and my soul for far too long (hence the absence of posts for the last 2 weeks), and it's good to be back.

I'm sure that many of you are curious as to what the project was. While I can't go into too much detail, a massive database was being compiled of super-criminals (super-criminal being defined as someone who uses abilities or powers beyond those of average criminals, which really isn't that hard when you think about it). The database itself was fairly straightforward - compile a list of current location, known contacts and security level of the penitentiary to which they were sent. I began with the ones who are currently incarcerated (approximately 1000 names), since we have somewhat more information on them (Current Headquarters: Algonquin penitentiary, Cell block D. Locations of known henchmen: Cell block C, etc.) This process took several days, but was completed without much incident.

Then they gave me the list of the supervillains who have escaped from imprisonment or are still at large. Not to alarm anyone, but this list contained no fewer than 2,000 names and, for obvious reasons, little was known about their current location and contacts. This part of the process involved over a week of painstaking, mind-numbing research. As the project neared completion, I asked the commissioner if he had any additional requirements. This was a mistake. He immediately gave me additional information to seek out. I finally finished with everything an hour before my deadline, 2 weeks after I began.

I used the word "mind-numbing" to describe this process. After the first 2 days on the project, I began falling asleep in front of the station computer. Realizing I needed something to keep me going, I discovered Pandora, a free online music site that lets you create your own online radio stations, using a "seed" of an artist or song, from which it derives certain stylistic points to create a station. I quickly created a station for musicals (using Alan Menken and Sir Arthur Sullivan as my main "seeds,"), another for stirring, dramatic orchestra music (using John Williams), and a station for slower, more haunting music (using Howard Shore).


These kept me going for about a week. But I soon found that, by the end of my shift going in to week 2, even the dramatic strains of the Star Wars theme were insufficient to keep me on my task. I finally resorted to something quite different. I realized that the only way I would be able to complete the project would be to shut out all thought and emotion beyond that needed to complete my task. With a trembling hand, I moved my mouse to the "genre" based station, seeking a numbing form of music and made a selection. Thus it was that for the last week of my task, I spent several hours each day listening to the whining, grinding beat of techno. Shutting out all thought, all feeling, I became a machine, my fingers moving in time with the droning sound. Selling a piece of my soul to the beat, I completed my task day by day. It's good to be back.

Vibroman's revenge!

[7 years ago, California . . .]

Vibroman and Sapphire Sting wrested on the edge of the San Andreas fault as the earth trembled beneath them. Vibroman's dastardly device was rapidly aggravating the motion of the tectonic plates, and would soon begin causing damage to nearby towns. Sapphire Sting shot a stunning cosmic blast of radiation from his fist into Vibroman's chest and flew to the device. Using every ounce of his strength within him, he released a miniature-scale equivalent of an atomic blast, destroying the device. The tremors began to slow as Sapphire Sting hovered above the gap, but the stunned Vibroman lost his balance and tumbled into the void. Sapphire Sting was weakened from his effort and could only watch helplessly as Vibroman vanished into the black of the abyss.

[Today, Provo, Utah]

An all-too familiar tremor shakes the building where Mild-Mannered Stephen Watson toils at BYU Independent Study. It seems that, somehow, Vibroman lives on. This time, though, he seems engaged in a secretive war of attrition to wear down Sapphire's nerves. Timing his work carefully, the ground shakes in unison with a nearby construction crew drilling into the earth. Everyone in the office claims that it's simply the work of construction proceeding, but Sapphire Sting's instincts tell him otherwise. To protect the innocent, however, persuit of Vibroman (or his successor) will have to wait until the construction crew has moved on, as they would be easy victim's to Vibroman's mad plot.

The man behind the mask

These questions have led me to a period of introspection, and I have come to the realization that I must unburden myself of my guilt by sharing the truth of my past. Like many heroes, my past is not without its blemishes. I was not always as I now am. In fact, I once embraced the dark side of my powers and battled against the forces of good. The events which lead to my transformation - my repentance, if you will - have been captured in this video. I can only hope that the good people of this city can forgive my errors and allow me to continue in their service.